Penguins

From the email inbox:
Did you ever wonder why there are no dead penguins on the ice in Antarctica? Where do they go?

Wonder no more!!!!!!!  It is a known fact that the penguin is a very ritualistic bird which lives an extremely ordered and complex life.  The penguin is very committed to its family and will mate for life, as well as maintain a form of compassionate contact with its offspring throughout its life.

If a penguin is found dead on the ice surface, other members of the family and social circle have been known to dig holes in the ice, using their vestigial wings and beaks, until the hole is deep enough for the dead bird to be rolled into, and buried.

The male penguins then gather in a circle around the fresh grave and sing:

“Freeze a jolly good fellow.”
“Freeze a jolly good fellow.”

You really didn’t believe that I know anything about penguins, did you?
It’s so easy to fool OLD people.

I am sorry, an urge came over me that made me do it!!!
Oh, quit whining, ( I fell for it, too)

Words That Should Be Words

Words that Really Ought to Exist

Abracadabbler: an amateur magician.

Carbage: the trash found in your automobile.

Faddict: someone who has to try every new trend that comes along.

Hackchoo: when you sneeze and cough at the same time.

Iceburg: an uppity, snobbish neighborhood.

Jobsolete: a position within a company that no longer exists.

Mandals: sandals for men.

Nagivator: someone who constantly assists with driving directions in

an overly critical manner.

Qcumbersome: a salad that contains too many cucumbers.

Sanktuary: a graveyard for ships.

Testimoney: fees paid to expert witnesses.

Unbrella: an umbrella that the wind has turned inside-out.

Xerocks: two identical pieces of sYawnese: the language of someone trying to speak while yawning.

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The above was found in the email inbox…

James Garner

James Garner April 7, 1928 - July 19, 2014.
James Garner April 7, 1928 – July 19, 2014.

Everybody wants blockbusters. I like to see a few pictures now and then that have to do with people and have relationships, and that’s what I want to do films about. I don’t want to see these sci-fi movies, and I don’t want to do one of those. I don’t understand it.

 

 

 

 

Image & quote source

A Pondering Thought

Every week the new supermarket ads come out with the so-called money saving items you may or may not need. Now, the ones that strike me kind of odd are, the 10 for $10.00, 2 for $6.00 etc., etc. I have seen store brand bread, which is not the greatest on sale for $10.00 for 10 loaves of bread, or a buck-a-loaf. Why don’t they just price it at $1.00 a loaf. So I need bread, but what the hell am I going to do with 10 loaves of bread? Feed it to the pigeons in the local park? I think not. So the stores and/or marketers or whoever make the decisions on the ad sales, should just price the damn things at dollar a loaf, and leave it at that.

Just me pondering an opinion.

What I Did On The 4th Of July

The 4th of July has come and one, but if anybody cares as to what I did on (Democracy Day, Independence Day), was watching the rain from Hurricane Arthur come down, which started shortly before noon. It came down heavy at times, but for the most part, it was a light rain. I actually enjoyed watching the rain , in between breaks of watching TV, reading a book, and a crossword. So with a stormy holiday, I kind of enjoyed it.

All in all, it was good.

And exciting.

Adult Truths

Found in the inbox.

23 ADULT TRUTHS

1. Sometimes I’ll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.

2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you’re wrong.

3. I totally take back all those times I didn’t want to nap when I was younger.

4. There is great need for a sarcasm font.

5. How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?

6. Was learning cursive really necessary?

7. Map Quest or Google Maps really need to start their directions on # 5. I’m pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.

8. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.

9. I can’t remember the last time I wasn’t at least kind of tired.

10. Bad decisions make good stories.

11. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment when you know that you just aren’t going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.

12. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blu-Ray? I don’t want to have to restart my collection . . . again.

13. I’m always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten-page technical report that I swear I did not make any changes to.

14. I keep some people’s phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.

15. I think the freezer deserves a light as well.

16. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Light than Kay.

17. I wish Google Maps had an “Avoid Ghetto” routing option.

18. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.

19. How many times is it appropriate to say “What?” before you just nod and smile because you still didn’t hear or understand a word they said?

20. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars team up to prevent a jerk from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers and sisters!

21. Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever. [The manufacturers of $200+ denim jeans actually tell you NOT to ever wash them.]

22. Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey – but I’d bet everyone can find and push the snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time, every time.

23. The first testicular guard, the “Cup,” was used in Hockey in 1874 and the first helmet was used in 1974. That means it only took 100 years for men to realize that their brain is also important.

Ladies .. . . Quit Laughing!

It just gets better as you get older, doesn’t it?

I was in a Starbucks Coffee recently when my stomach started rumbling and I realized that I desperately needed to pass gas. The place was packed, but the music was really loud so to get relief and reduce embarrassment I timed my expulsions to the beat of the music. After a couple of songs, I started to feel much better. I finished my coffee and noticed that everyone was staring at me. I suddenly remembered that I was listening to my I-pod(with ear piece) – and how was your day?

This is what happens when old people start using technology!

Was Not Ready

Last Thursday and FRIDAY the weather was dank, rainy with temps in the high 50s with a lot of wind.

Today, it hit 85, with a heat index feel of 90 F. It also was very humid. 

Thank goodness for air conditioning, or I’d be one crabby guy, especially if I got little or no sleep. 

I was not ready for this hot, humid weather.

aponderingmind.org 

Happy Birds

It’s early Saturday evening, and in an hour, the sun will be setting at 8:24 PM. Have the windows open, the baseball game is on the TV, and the best part is, the numerous birds all happy and chipper as they are tweeting away in one massive chorus. Sitting here listening to the birds, they are saying that there is still a lot to like about the earth, that we all call home. With a touch of Zen, life is grand.

I See No Harm For A Woman To Breastfeed Her Baby In Public

What is so bad or wrong for Karlesha Thurman, who had just received her diploma from California State University – Long Beach,to breastfeed her three month old baby? Breastfeeding in public is protected by California law.

Well some people decided to go bat shit crazy after the photo of her and the baby went viral. Personally I have no qualms with a mother breastfeeding her child. But some people love to criticize and find fault with it. Those people are just a bunch of losers, who have nothing better to do, than to bash anyone, for any asinine reason they can come up with. It’s the same with politics, bashing, lying, twisting things around, because they think they have the sense to do so. There just fucking idiots, and have no use for them.

Here’s the link to the story, and it is a short one with a photo of Karlesha and her baby.

No Wonder I Felt Like Crap

For the past three days, I was walking/sitting in a stupor, and/or more like a zombie. I could not figure out why I was feeling like crap. Having dull headaches didn’t exactly feel great. I would take Advil a couple of times a day, and I was surprised, since Advil always did the job.

It sucked big time, as all I felt like doing was lay on the couch, and doze off. I couldn’t keep my eyes open. I had to push myself to look and read the numerous blogs that I follow, and it came to the point, that I would either ignore some, or delete some of the email notifications, as I don’t use the Word Press Reader. (That’s a story for another time).

Well now, come this morning (Sat the 31st), I arose from bed turned on the coffee maker, and still was having the headaches. I drank some of the coffee, and I went back into the kitchen to the rest in the mug, it was staring me right in the face. The coffee I was drinking was decaf. Bingo! No wonder I was feeling like crap.

I went into action, made a fresh pot of Seattle’s Best No 5 Coffee, and when it was ready, poured what was left of the decaf shit down the drain, poured the good stuff into the mug, and I was good to go. Took a couple of Advil, and headache was gone in a few minutes, and felt like a new man.

Caffeine headaches, feeling sleepy and what not, feels like a junkie suffering from withdrawals.

Taking A Break

Since the middle of the week, I have only posted once. There’s a reason for that. I came down with the flu, and it knocked me on flat on my ass. The worst part is over with, but the nuisance part of it is still with me. The flu is wide spread throughout four states: Mass, Conn, RI & NY.

So, because of this malady, I couldn’t even spend five minutes looking at the screen, and I shut it down, and just TV, and/or read a book. With that said, I don’t know when I will be back on a regular basis.

Take care, everyone.

A Pondering Mind

He Didn’t See This Coming

Yesterday morning, Mortimer J. Finkdink III, was taking his morning stroll. He always stops in the local coffee shop, for his daily cup. He always gets a large, as he likes to last throughout his walk. After he left the shop, he ambled on along on one of his favorite streets. A few minutes later, a woman who has never seen before stopped him. He always liked saying hello to all the people he ran across, but was perplexed seeing this well endowed woman.

The following conversation ensued, and what happened shortly there after.

She: Hello.
He: Hello.
She: My name is Barbara ‘Boom Boom’ Sashay.
He: Nice to meet you, Barbara.
He: I’m Mortimer J. Finkdink III
She: I’m new in town.
He: I see.
She: Can I ask you a question?
He: Sure.
She: Before I ask, I must tell you, I have 44DDDs.
He: Okay.
She: So, would you like to see them?
He: Where?
She: Right here.
He: On the sidewalk in public?
She: Yes.
He: You could get arrested for doing that.
She: So. Don’t you like big knockers?
He: Well, in a flustered, stammering way, ah yes I do, maam.
She: What’s the problem then?
He: This is not New York City, where it is legal for women to go bare chested.
She: Pretend we’re in New York.
He: Well, its not.
Then he had an itch on his shin, that he bent down to scratch, and all of a sudden, she lifts her shirt up, and swings her knockers, and caught him the side of the head, the nearly full cup of coffee, goes flying out of his hand. It landed on the windshield of a passing car, which scared the shit out of the driver, and proceeded to slam into the car in front of his, and then got rear ended.

After all was send and done, Barbara ‘Boom Boom’ Sashay, said, “If you only took me up on my offer to view my beauties, this would never had happened.

Eventually, Barbara ‘Boom Boom’ Sashay, got arrested, for being a public nuisance, and got to spend 10 days in the local hoosegow.

As for Mortimer J. Finkdink III, he never saw this coming.

———-
Thought I’d give it a try at writing a short, humorous story. Fiction of course.

A Saturday Morning Dilemma

True story.

This morning (4/26/14) when I woke up, lo and behold, the power was out. Not just in the building, but in the surrounding area to. This is what transpired.
I: The power is off.
She: Yes it is.
I: Went to the living room to see what time it was. The clock on the read 7:15 am.
After I got my bearings straight, I realized, I can’t have no coffee. In the meantime, I did my business, threw some clothes on, and went outside for a quick breath of air. And still thinking about what to do for a cup of Joe. I went back inside. Since her daughter was coming over shortly, to take her food shopping, I asked her if she would call her and ask her if she wouldn’t mind picking up a coffee.
She: I will call her and ask.
I: Good.
She: She got her on the phone and asked if she would get Don a coffee. Black, no sugar. She asked what size?
I: It doesn’t matter. The only thing was, I knew where her daughter gets her coffee, it sucks, big time.
She: Daughter said she will get me one.
I: Good, as the caffeine headache was starting to kick in.
She: She’s here.
I/she: Together we went outside, and I and got my coffee, and offered to pay for it, but she said, it was on the house. I thanked her for it. No sooner had they left, the power came back, and I’m thinking,
“Now I am stuck drinking this awful cup of weak coffee.” It’s not a place I would go, to get my coffee.
If I had only known how long the power would be coming back on, I would have just waited it, and made my own.
I ended drinking about 3/4 of the sordid shit they pass off as coffee, tossed the rest down the drain, and brewed my own, and I was in seventh heaven.