From the email inbox:
When everybody on earth was dead and waiting to enter Paradise, God appeared and said, “I want the men to make two lines.
One line for the men who were true heads of their household, and the other line for the men who were dominated by their women.
I want all the women to report to St.Peter.” Soon, the women were gone, and there were two lines of men.
The line of the men who were dominated by their wives was 100 miles long,and in the line of men
who truly were heads of their household, there was only one man.
God said to the long line, “You men should be ashamed of yourselves, I created you to be the head of your household!
You have been disobedient and have not fulfilled your purpose! Of all of you, only one obeyed. Learn from him.”
God turned to the one man, “How did you manage to be the only one in this line?”
The man replied, “My wife told me to stand here.”
Needed a new showerhead, so this is what the maintenance man installed. It works like a charm.
From the email inbox:
My First Condom.
I recall my first time with a condom. I was 14. I went in to buy a packet of condoms at Parchen’s pharmacy. In those days it took a lot of guts to go in a store and ask for that kind of item because everyone in town knew me and there was no doubt the young lady (I think her name was Nola) knew what they were for.
She was working as an assistant behind the counter, and she could see that I was really embarrassed by the whole procedure. She handed me the package and asked if I knew how to wear one.
I honestly answered, ‘No, not really.’
So she unwrapped the package, took one out and slipped it over her thumb. She cautioned me to make sure it was on tight and secure.
I apparently still looked confused. So, she looked all around the store to see if it were empty. It was. ‘Just a minute,’ she said, and walked me into the back room, unbuttoned her blouse and removed it. She unhooked her bra and laid it aside. ‘Do these excite you?’ She asked.
Well, I was so dumb-struck that all I could do was stand there with my mouth open and nod my head. She then said it was time to slip the condom on. As I was slipping it on, she dropped her skirt, removed her panties and lay down on a desk. ‘Well, come on’, she said, ‘We don’t have much time.’
So I climbed on her. It was so wonderful that, unfortunately, I could no longer hold back and KAPOW, I was done within a few moments.
She looked at me with a bit of a frown. ‘Did you put that condom on?’ she asked. I said, ‘sure did,’ and held up my thumb to show her.
Then she beat the shit out of me….