Dogs are leaders of the planet. If you see two life forms, one of them is making poop, the other one’s carrying it for him, who would you assume is in charge. ~Jerry Seinfeld
“Why do we park on driveways and drive on parkways?” Source: Quote By George Carlin
“There is no such thing as an attention span. People have infinite attention if you are entertaining them.” -Jerry Seinfeld Source: There is no such thing as an attention span. People have infinite attention if you are entertaining them.
If you tell a joke in the forest, but nobody laughs, was it a joke? Steven Wright
There is no such thing as fun for the whole family. Jerry Seinfeld
I don’t want to hear the specials. If they’re so special, put ’em on the menu. – Jerry Seinfeld
I love to go shopping. I love to freak out salespeople. They ask me if they can help me, and I say, “Have you got anything I’d like?” Then they ask me what size I need, and I say ” Extra medium.” – Steven Wright