For breakfast, she eats cat food.
Tag: Humor
Short Story
The special of the day at a local
restaurant is Skunk Soup with
French Bread.
Sadly, there were no takers.
338
Trying to climb
Mt Everest wearing
roller skates
Getting nowhere
337
A hippo in
the bath tub
Six Word Story
Humpty lumpty dumpty stumpy frumpy Trumpy.
The Yam Man
Whenever I read or hear
The different nicknames
The people call Trump
Orange man
Orange spray tan
Orange buffoon
Etc etc etc
I tend to call him
The Yam Man
I love yams
But the next time
I see a yam on my plate
I will either bust out laughing
Or refuse to eat it
What a predicament to be in
224
When I was young
an elderly lady
friend of the family
asked me what would
I like to when you
get older
I told her I want
to be a blogger and
write all kinds of stuff
serious and not so
serious
and also write some
dumb worthless shit
She said go for it
and now I am doing
the very thing I set
out to do
210
Inky
dinky
do
the
bird
just
crapped
on
you
****************
Humor
No harm intended
207
He says
he can
walk on
water
So to
prove
it
he walks
across a
puddle
and he
proclaimed
to everybody
that he
did it
All the
people who
witnessed it
snickered
knowing that
he was a
couple of
eggs short
of a dozen.
*****************
A short fictional story
204
Swimming
in
a
sea
of
molasses
getting
nowhere
fast
189
Swinging on the rope
didn’t watch where he was going
slammed into a big ass oak tree
187
Shared a banana split
Gave the other half
of the banana to the
crying kid
183
Weatherman says
be prepared for
the three Hs
Holy Hell it’s Hot
179
Go
outside
start
laughing
then
watch
the
looks
they
give
you
177
Dog pees
on a person’s
leg
Thought it
was a fire
hydrant
158
First name
is Donald
but I am
not a
Trump
Phew
Glad to
clear that up
*************
Just being
a smart ass
155
Went to
see the
food at
the sea
food
section
of the
local
grocer
Didn’t see
any sea food
Sign said
sold out
because
fishermen
on strike
134
Swinging from
the chandelier
he makes
his grand
entrance
only he ended
up landing
on his ass
as the whole
light fixture
was torn from
the ceiling
131
Owl perched
on a branch
says who
Nearby is
another owl
and says who
I said who
is who
and both
owls said
who who
and asked
who is who
so both owls
said who who
Enough of
their nonsense
as I was getting
nowhere as to
who was who
121
If I was
a donkey
then they
would call
me a
braying ass
117
She was all
a giggle watching
Slap Happy Jack
riding is unicycle
in small circles
which was about
100 times or
so that he
got dizzy and
crashed into
a parked car
and was embarrassed
when he realized
what had happened
not to mention
his unicycle has
seen better days
107
Humor
me
he
said
Ha ha
she
said
Sadly
he
was
at
a
loss
106
Walking
a
tight
rope
wearing
ice
skates
Not
going
to
happen
96
Woman screaming
loudly like a
hyena gone nuts
Puzzled passersby
calls police
They show up
Ask her why
she is screaming
Her answer
I felt like it
Oh the cops said
and they went
on their
merry way
89
Next door
neighbor ordered
a pizza and to
his surprise it
was so soggy
that he called
the police and
he wanted the
pizza owner
arrested and
charged with
selling soggy pizza
Instead they took
the crackpot neighbor
to the psyche ward
for evaluation
15
I raise a slice
of toast for
giving a toast
to all who are
having toast
wether it is
light toast
or dark toast
A toast to you
with a toast
Spiders
First Day
At 12:30 a.m.
on March 20
Spring will
be sprung
Boing
Boing
Boing
Quote By Steven Wright
“I couldn’t repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.”
Source: Quote By Steven Wright
Quote By Mitch Hedberg
“Why is Cloud 9 so amazing? What is wrong with Cloud 8? That joke came off the top of my head, and the top of my head ain’t funny!”
Source: Quote By Mitch Hedberg
John Cleese Quote
Weekends
Weekends are made
to do nothing.
But wait …
Since I’m already
retired, everyday
is do nothing days.
Following Directions
Read the directions on
the shampoo bottle:
It says to apply,
wash and rinse.
Repeat
So I did
Apply, wash and
rinse
Repeat
And I did
and again
and again
and again
Soon I ran
out of hot
water, which
soon became
cold and still
with shampoo
on my head.
——————-
Just a bit of humor
Quote From Kurt Vonnegut’s Book, God Bless You, Mr. Rosewater
Quote source: http://wordables.com
Children Can Be Sharp
Image Credit: http://themetapicture.com
What Happens After You Die
Steven Wright Quote
I like George Carlin’s jokes. I like his humor. He’s one of my heroes, and I like what he did with talking about everyday things.
– Steven Wright
Chicago
Steven Wright Quote
It doesn’t make a difference what temperature a room is, it’s always room temperature.
– Steven Wright
Books – George Carlin Quote
Yoga
Steven Wright
If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it
– Steven Wright
Idiot
Tattoo
Steven Wright
“I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time.”
– Steven Wright
Humor Quote
Sunday Humor
A A Milne
“Organizing is what you do before you do something, so that when you do it, it’s not all mixed up.”
– Alan A. Milne
Life’s Journey
Mark Twain
Monday Humor
Steven Wright Humor Quote
“If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?”
– Steven Wright
Humor Quote – John Lennon
Monday
Saturday Humor Quote
“When everything is coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane.”
– Steven Wright
Rest In Peace Yogi Berra
The Republican debate: a comic-strip take on a political tragicomedy
The Republican debate: a comic-strip take on a political tragicomedy
Humor Quote
Friday Humor
Diet Tip
Steven Wright Quote
“If it’s a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth, then someone, somewhere is making a penny.”
– Steven Wright
Saturday Humor Quote
“You can lead a horse to water, but a pencil must be lead.”
– Stan Laurel
Saturday Humor Quote
Monday Humor Quote
Humor Quote
“Old Professors never die, they just lose their faculties.”
– Stephen Fry
Wednesday Humor Quote
Humor Quote
Door
Someone knocked
on the door.
I said that
nobody is here.
The person
went on his
merry way.
Humor is a
good thing!
Nothing
Went to
the store.
Bought nothing.
Friday Humor Quote
Tuesday Humor
Monday
Friday Evening Humor
Friday Morning Humor Quote
Steven Wright Quote.
“If at first you don’t succeed then skydiving definitely isn’t for you.”
– Steven Wright
Friday Afternoon Quote
Wednesday Morning Quote
Sunday Afternoon Quote
Irish Playwright
Born: April 13, 1906 – Died: December 22, 1989
Thursday Humor Quote
Saturday Afternoon Quote
“The reason fat men are good natured is they can neither fight nor run.”
– Theodore Roosevelt
Saturday Humor
Unknown
He Said/She Said Thursday Morning Edition
He: Good morning dear.
She: What’s so good about it.
He: Silently thinking that the shit is
about to hit the fan, Now what did I do,
or didn’t do?
She: I couldn’t sleep because of your damn
snoring!
He: I don’t snore.
She: What do you mean you don’t snore. You
sound like a bull on steroids. You really do.
He: How could I be snoring, now that I am
talking to you.
She: Of course your not snoring now, its when
your sound asleep.
He: I really don’t snore.
She: You know, you can be an absolute asshole.
He: Wow!
She: Tonight, you can sleep on the couch, and leave
the television off, so I won’t have to listen to it
and your damn snoring!
Wednesday Evening Humor
Tuesday Evening Humor
Day Starts Backwards
Anonymous
Dogs
Anonymous
This Guy Is A Genius
Steven Wright Quote
“Right now Im having amnesia and deja vu at the same time. I think Ive forgotten this before.”
– Steven Wright
Stephen Fry Quote
“Old Professors never die, they just lose their faculties.”
– Stephen Fry
Hiding From Wife
George Carlin Quote
“Think of how stupid the average person is,
and realize half of them are stupider than that.”
George Carlin
Key To Happiness
Anonymous
That Awkward Moment ……..
Steven Wright Quote
“When I was in school the teachers told me practice makes perfect; then they told me nobodys perfect so I stopped practicing.”
– Steven Wright
Mosquitoes
Underwear
Anonymous author
Life’s Journey …….
Police On Bikes
Fool Me Once ……
Sitting In A Bar ……
