Short Story

The well known eccentric man of means, takes his battery operated toy poodle for a walk. When asked he walks a toy dog he replies, the dog needs to do its daily constitution. He tells people, that he is sick and tired of waking up in the morning, to see a puddle of pee, and a mound of shit on the floor. He never did say what he supposedly feeds the so-called dog, besides new batteries.

648

Mark this date:

on January 31, 2017

at 8:00 pm Eastern

7:00 pm Central

6:00 pm Mountain

5:00 pm Pacific

gather the family

get your popcorn ready

set your dvrs

as he’s not my president

will announce live

and in living color

orange being the

dominant color

his choice for

the vacant seat

on the Supreme Court

The Yam Man

Whenever I read or hear

The different nicknames

The people call Trump

Orange man

Orange spray tan

Orange buffoon

Etc etc etc

I tend to call him

The Yam Man

I love yams

But the next time

I see a yam on my plate

I will either bust out laughing

Or refuse to eat it

What a predicament to be in

224

When I was young
an elderly lady
friend of the family
asked me what would
I like to when you
get older
I told her I want
to be a blogger and
write all kinds of stuff
serious and not so
serious
and also write some
dumb worthless shit
She said go for it
and now I am doing
the very thing I set
out to do

207

He says
he can
walk on
water
So to
prove
it
he walks
across a
puddle
and he
proclaimed
to everybody
that he
did it
All the
people who
witnessed it
snickered
knowing that
he was a
couple of
eggs short
of a dozen.

*****************
A short fictional story

131

Owl perched
on a branch
says who
Nearby is
another owl
and says who
I said who
is who
and both
owls said
who who
and asked
who is who
so both owls
said who who
Enough of
their nonsense
as I was getting
nowhere as to
who was who

117

She was all
a giggle watching
Slap Happy Jack
riding is unicycle
in small circles
which was about
100 times or
so that he
got dizzy and
crashed into
a parked car
and was embarrassed
when he realized
what had happened
not to mention
his unicycle has
seen better days

96

Woman screaming
loudly like a
hyena gone nuts
Puzzled passersby
calls police
They show up
Ask her why
she is screaming
Her answer
I felt like it
Oh the cops said
and they went
on their
merry way

89

Next door
neighbor ordered
a pizza and to
his surprise it
was so soggy
that he called
the police and
he wanted the
pizza owner
arrested and
charged with
selling soggy pizza
Instead they took
the crackpot neighbor
to the psyche ward
for evaluation

Following Directions

Read the directions on
the shampoo bottle:
It says to apply,
wash and rinse.
Repeat
So I did
Apply, wash and
rinse
Repeat
And I did
and again
and again
and again
Soon I ran
out of hot
water, which
soon became
cold and still
with shampoo
on my head.

——————-
Just a bit of humor