3:00 A.M. – A Short Story

Every morning, at 3:00 a.m., you will find an elderly gentleman, sitting in his favorite booth, having a cup of coffee. He has been patronizing this certain coffee shop, since he retired many years ago from the book editing job, that he had for over 35 years.

He usually is the only one there, and he has gotten use to the solitude he enjoys. It doesn’t matter what the weather is like. It can be cold, hot and humid, raining or snowing, it will not stop him from walking the two blocks from where he lives in a high rise downtown apartment.

When he’s finished his coffee, he will take one to go, and then stop at the kiosk, and by the morning newspaper. Later in the day, he will take a nap, recharge his batteries, and then he will go about whatever he feels like doing.

The Coffee Shop

“…Seattle has unleashed this weird phenomenon on the world called the coffee shop. And the coffee shop, thanks to Starbucks, is the place where socially isolated, lonely, needy people gather together to ignore one another.”

~ Mark Driscoll

Here is, Old Age at its Best

Here is, old age at its best.

 Old Age

 

Larry and Bob, two friends, met in the park every day to feed the pigeons, watch the squirrels and discuss world problems.

One day Larry didn’t show up. Bob didn’t think much about it and figured maybe he had a cold or something.. But after Larry hadn’t shown up for a week or so, Bob really got worried. However, since the only time they ever got together was at the park, Bob didn’t know where Larry lived, so he was unable to find out what had happened to him.

A month had passed, and Bob figured he had seen the last of Larry, but one day, Bob approached the park and — lo and behold — there sat Larry! Bob was very excited and happy to see him and told him so. Then he said, ‘For crying out loud Larry, what in the world happened to you?

Larry replied, ‘I have been in jail.’

‘Jail!’ cried Bob. What in the world for?’

‘Well,’ Larry said, ‘you know Jane, that cute little blonde waitress at the coffee shop where I sometimes go?’

‘Yeah,’ said Bob, ‘I remember her. What about her?

‘Well, one day she filed rape charges against me; and, at 89 years old, I was so proud that when I got into court, I pleaded ‘guilty’.

‘The damn judge gave me 30 days for perjury’.

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Found in the email inbox.

He Didn’t See This Coming

Yesterday morning, Mortimer J. Finkdink III, was taking his morning stroll. He always stops in the local coffee shop, for his daily cup. He always gets a large, as he likes to last throughout his walk. After he left the shop, he ambled on along on one of his favorite streets. A few minutes later, a woman who has never seen before stopped him. He always liked saying hello to all the people he ran across, but was perplexed seeing this well endowed woman.

The following conversation ensued, and what happened shortly there after.

She: Hello.
He: Hello.
She: My name is Barbara ‘Boom Boom’ Sashay.
He: Nice to meet you, Barbara.
He: I’m Mortimer J. Finkdink III
She: I’m new in town.
He: I see.
She: Can I ask you a question?
He: Sure.
She: Before I ask, I must tell you, I have 44DDDs.
He: Okay.
She: So, would you like to see them?
He: Where?
She: Right here.
He: On the sidewalk in public?
She: Yes.
He: You could get arrested for doing that.
She: So. Don’t you like big knockers?
He: Well, in a flustered, stammering way, ah yes I do, maam.
She: What’s the problem then?
He: This is not New York City, where it is legal for women to go bare chested.
She: Pretend we’re in New York.
He: Well, its not.
Then he had an itch on his shin, that he bent down to scratch, and all of a sudden, she lifts her shirt up, and swings her knockers, and caught him the side of the head, the nearly full cup of coffee, goes flying out of his hand. It landed on the windshield of a passing car, which scared the shit out of the driver, and proceeded to slam into the car in front of his, and then got rear ended.

After all was send and done, Barbara ‘Boom Boom’ Sashay, said, “If you only took me up on my offer to view my beauties, this would never had happened.

Eventually, Barbara ‘Boom Boom’ Sashay, got arrested, for being a public nuisance, and got to spend 10 days in the local hoosegow.

As for Mortimer J. Finkdink III, he never saw this coming.

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Thought I’d give it a try at writing a short, humorous story. Fiction of course.