Humor
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New Showerhead
Needed a new showerhead, so this is what the maintenance man installed. It works like a charm. Continue reading
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My First Condom
From the email inbox: My First Condom. I recall my first time with a condom. I was 14. I went in to buy a packet of condoms at Parchen’s pharmacy. In those days it took a lot of guts to go in a store and ask for that kind of item because everyone in… Continue reading
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104 Years Old
Reporters interviewing a 104-year-old woman: ‘And what do you think is the best thing about being 104?’ the reporter asked… She simply replied, ‘No peer pressure.’ —– From the email inbox Continue reading
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Windows
Wife texts husband on a cold winter’s morning: “Windows frozen, won’t open.” Husband texts back: “Gently pour some lukewarm water over it.” Wife texts back 5 minutes later: “Computer really screwed up now.” ——— From the email inbox. Continue reading
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Senior Moments
I failed a Health and Safety course at the Senior Center today. One of the questions was: “In the event of a fire, what steps would you take?” “F*ckin’ big ones” was apparently the wrong answer. ———————————- Above from the email inbox … Continue reading
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Cell Phone Etiquette
From the email inbox: After a tiring day, a commuter settled down in his seat and closed his eyes. As the train rolled out of the station, the young woman sitting next to him pulled out her cell phone and started talking in a loud voice: “Hi sweetheart. It’s Sue. I’m on the train”. “Yes,… Continue reading
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Mexican Pay Raise
From my email inbox: The Mexican Maid The Mexican maid asked for a pay increase. The wife was very upset about this, and decided to talk to her about the raise. She asked: “Now Maria, why do you want a pay increase?” Maria: “Well, Senora, there are tree reasons why I wanna increaze.The first… Continue reading
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Where the hell ….
From my email inbox: Continue reading
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Cooking
Another ‘toon from an email friend… Continue reading
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Dogs
I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult. — Rita Rudner Continue reading
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New Neighbor
This is my new neighbor… She’s single… She lives right across the road. I can see her place from my deck. I watched as she got home from work this evening. I was surprised when she walked across the street and up my driveway and knocked on my door. I rushed to open it; she… Continue reading
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The Naked Cowboy
From my email inbox: A Sheriff in a small town in Wyoming walks out in the street and sees a blond haired cowboy coming toward him with nothing on but his cowboy hat, his gun and his boots. He arrests him for indecent exposure. As he is locking him up, he asks ‘Why in the… Continue reading
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Door Mat
Want be left alone? A door mat like the one below should do the trick. Continue reading
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Lawsuit
From my email inbox: A recent article in the Kentucky Post reported that a woman, one Anne Maynard, has sued St Luke’s hospital, saying that after her husband had surgery there, he lost all interest in sex. A hospital spokesman replied … “Mr. Maynard was admitted in Ophthalmology – all we did was correct his… Continue reading
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Television
Television is a medium because anything well done is rare. — Fred Allen Continue reading
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Viagra Distribution Center
From my email inbox: Continue reading
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Fairy Tale
From my email inbox: A MALE FAIRY TALE: Once upon a time, a Prince asked a beautiful Princess, “Will you marry me?” The Princess said, “No!!!” And the Prince lived happily ever after and rode motorcycles and dated skinny long-legged full-breasted women and hunted and fished and raced cars and went to naked bars and… Continue reading
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Guess who kept everybody ……
From my email inbox: Continue reading
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The next time you get a call ….
Another from my email inbox: Continue reading
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America is a land …..
America is a land of taxation that was founded to avoid taxation. — Laurence J. Peter Source of quote Continue reading
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Hot Air Balloon
From my email inbox: So you think you’re having a bad day… then you step outside of your house… and look up into the beautiful blue sky… …and see this!!!!! All of a sudden, that smile comes back to your face and you say to yourself ”Now that’s a big ass balloon!!!” …and things don’t seem… Continue reading
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Travelers Complaints
From my email inbox: Its true. You can’t please everyone. 19 Idiotic (But Real) Travel Complaints These are actual complaints received from dissatisfied customers by Thomas Cook Vacations (based on a Thomas Cook/ABTA survey): 1. “I think it should be explained in the brochure that the local convenience store does not sell proper biscuits… Continue reading
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Mistakes
We made too many wrong mistakes. — Yogi Berra Continue reading
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American Dream
That’s why they call it the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it. — George Carlin Continue reading
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Hello From An Old Man
Did you ever wonder why it is so hard for older men to find a job and get hired??? Job interview: Human Resources Manager: “What is your greatest weakness?” Old man: “Honesty.” Human Resources Manager: “I don’t think honesty is a weakness.” Old Man: “I don’t really give a shit what you think.” Continue reading
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Recommended by Margie: Exercise Block
We invite you to join with us in this reasonable exercise program. We plan to double this rigorous regimen next week. Your kind of exercise? Continue reading
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The Polish Divorce
From my email inbox: THE POLISH DIVORCE A Polish man moved to the USA and married an American girl. Although his English was far from perfect, they got along very well. One day he rushed into a lawyer’s office and asked him if he could arrange a divorce for him. The lawyer said that… Continue reading
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People who say, …
People who say, ‘Let the chips fall where they may,’ usually figure they will not be hit by a chip. — Bernard Williams Continue reading
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A good marriage …
A good marriage would be between a blind wife and a deaf husband. — Michel de Montaigne Continue reading
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I can’t believe …
I can’t believe that out of a hundred thousand sperm, you were the quickest. — Steven Pearl Continue reading
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The Railing
Charlie, who is a grown man, likes to slide down on the circular railing, which is long and steep. He always likes to slide down it, side saddle. This time, Charlie was wearing silk pajamas, and this in turn would turn out to be a big mistake. It was time for him to go down… Continue reading
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A bit of humor…
A bit of humor from my email inbox: Football and the Blonde Of all the blonde jokes, this one has to be the best — because it makes football make sense! A guy took his blonde girlfriend to her first football game. They had great seats right behind their team’s bench. After the game, he… Continue reading
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Dumb Headlines
From my email inbox: Newspaper headlines that are truly head spinners. Man Kills Self Before Shooting Wife and Daughter This one I caught in the SGV Tribune the other day and called the Editorial Room and asked who wrote this. It took two or three readings before the editor realized that what he was… Continue reading
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Bladder
I don’t need you to remind me of my age. I have a bladder to do that for me. – Stephen Fry Continue reading
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May the fleas of a thousand Camels…
Another one from my email inbox: Continue reading
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Secrets To A Long Happy Marriage
From my email inbox: Continue reading
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Paramour
From my email inbox: After a Southern man moved from Atlanta to a New Jersey suburb, a fellow passenger on a train asked how he liked it in the country. “It was difficult at first,” the man replied, “but it’s a lot better since I got myself a paramour.” The passenger was astonished. “A paramour?”… Continue reading
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Redneck Mouse Trap
From my email inbox: This is the best mousetrap I have ever used, 5 gal bucket with a gal of RV antifreeze dumped in the bottom, plastic bottle with a coat hanger thru it and some peanut butter on the middle of the bottle. Lean a board up against the side and it works all… Continue reading
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I consider that a man’s brain… – Arthur Conan Doyle
I consider a man’s brain originally is like a little empty attic, and you have to stock it with such furniture as you choose. – Arthur Conan Doyle Continue reading
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Ah, Sweet Love
From my email inbox: Ah, sweet love!!!! A middle-aged couple had finally learned how to send and receive texts on their cell phones. The wife, being a romantic at heart, decided one day that she’d send her husband a text while she was out of the house having coffee with a friend. She texted: If… Continue reading
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Forgot My Glasses
FORGOT MY GLASSES Yesterday my daughter again asked why I didn’t do something useful with my time. Talking about my “doing something useful” seemed to be her favorite topic of conversation. She was “only thinking of me” and suggested I go down to the senior center and hang out with the guys. I did… Continue reading
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Dear Dr. Phil
Dear Dr. Phil, When I retired, I could hardly wait to spend time enjoying my favorite pastime � fishing. I bought my own little fishing boat and tried to get my wife to join me, but she just never liked fishing. Finally, one day down at the Bait & Tackle Shop, I got to talking… Continue reading
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Favorite Words
These fit so well they should be in a dictionary. ADULT A person who has stopped growing at both ends And is now growing in the middle. BEAUTY PARLOR A place where women curl up and dye. COMMITTEE A body that keeps minutes and wastes hours. DUST Mud with the juice squeezed out. EGOTIST Someone… Continue reading
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A doctor on his morning walk…
A doctor on his morning walk, noticed the old lady pictured above:, She was sitting on her front step smoking a cigar, so he walked up to her and said, “I couldn’t help but notice how happy you look! What is your secret?” “I smoke ten cigars a day,” she said. “Before I go to… Continue reading
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You Know It Will Be Bad Day
You know it will be a bad day when…. ….the gypsy fortune teller offers to refund your money. ….your kids start treating you the same way you treated your parents. ….you have to borrow from your VISA to pay off your MASTERCARD. ….you realize that you just sprayed spot remover under your arms instead of… Continue reading
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With Age Comes Wisdom
Four guys were all at a deer camp. They had two cabins, two men per cabin. After the first night, no one wanted to room with Bob because he snored so badly. They decided it wasn’t fair to make one of them stay with him the whole time, so they voted to take turns. The… Continue reading
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Senior Moment
I failed a Health and Safety course at the Senior Center today. One of the questions was: “In the event of a fire, what steps would you take?” “F*ckin’ big ones” was apparently the wrong answer. Continue reading
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To Dye For
Seen on Daily Picdump Source: BuzzFeed Continue reading
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Kentucky Man Motorizes Living…
Source: BuzzFeed Continue reading
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Do You Drink?
Lady: Do you drink? Man: Yes. Lady: How much a day? Man: Three 6 packs. Lady: How much per 6 pack? Man: About $10.00. Lady: And how long have you been drinking? Man: 15 years. Lady: So one 6 pack costs $10.00, and you have 3 packs a day which puts your spending each month… Continue reading
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The Writer At Work…
Seen on: StewPig Continue reading
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My Story – 49 Words of Humor
High reeders, i DiscoveRed this fantastik thing called spel chek. As i tipe; It correcs the misspelld wurd and oughto correks it. It truelee amasez me wat this spelt checcer dos. I reccamand every1 tooo yuse it. yoUll will bee happee as jak frost on a rottid punkim. tRusT mee. Continue reading
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Stylish Raincoat
Must be an inexpensive one… Continue reading
A Pondering Mind 
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