She Forgot The Lipstick

Found in the email inbox. Don’t you just hate it?…….you get all dressed up; you’re looking hot; smokin’ hot! As you strut your stuff down the street, you can almost feel all the eyes upon you. Then, you happen to catch a quick glimpse of yourself in a mirror, and you suddenly REALIZE…you forgot the lipstick…the whole look youContinue reading “She Forgot The Lipstick”

Okay

Okay, so I’m outside getting some air. It is late, like 11:55 night late. A neighbor of comes out, and says, “Nice Night.” Me: “Yes it is, and a delightful one.” He: “Nice and warm.” Me: “Yup.” He: “The moon looks nice too.” Me: “In all its glory.” He: When he decided to go backContinue reading “Okay”

New Best Seller: How To Understand Women

Note: When I took a break from blogging, the very next day, I came down with a nasty head cold. And it happened on the first day of spring. So my thinking is still bit foggy. With that said, here is a bit of humor from the email inbox. Thought you should know that theContinue reading “New Best Seller: How To Understand Women”

Meaning of the Resurrection

From the email inbox: Got to love this kid…   MEANING OF THE RESURRECTION            A Baptist pastor was presenting a children’s sermon. During the sermon, he asked the children if they knew what the resurrection was.   Now, asking questions during children’s sermons is crucial, but at the same time, asking children questions in front ofContinue reading “Meaning of the Resurrection”

Mother Nature

It seems that mother nature has a problem. The problem is, she must have a very itchy scalp. With all the dandruff falling from the sky above, it looks like she needs a good shampooing, with a good rinsing. Then a apply some conditioning, then rinse and repeat. Now, all this dandruff is landing onContinue reading “Mother Nature”

Bad Pilots

From the email inbox: The Air Canada plane leaves Pearson Airport under the control of a Jewish captain; his co-pilot is Chinese. It’s the first time they’ve flown together and an awkward silence between the two seems to indicate a mutual dislike. Once they reach cruising altitude, the Jewish captain activates the auto-pilot, leans backContinue reading “Bad Pilots”

Senior Moments

I failed a Health and Safety course at the Senior Center today.   One of the questions was:   “In the event of a fire, what steps would you take?”   “F*ckin’ big ones” was apparently the wrong answer. ———————————- Above from the email inbox                    Continue reading “Senior Moments”

Cell Phone Etiquette

From the email inbox: After a tiring day, a commuter settled down in his seat and closed his eyes. As the train rolled out of the station, the young woman sitting next to him pulled out her cell phone and started talking in a loud voice: “Hi sweetheart. It’s Sue. I’m on the train”. “Yes,Continue reading “Cell Phone Etiquette”

Mexican Pay Raise

From my email inbox:   The Mexican Maid The Mexican maid asked for a pay increase. The wife was very upset about this, and decided to talk to her about the raise. She asked: “Now Maria, why do you want a pay increase?” Maria: “Well, Senora, there are tree reasons why I wanna increaze.The firstContinue reading “Mexican Pay Raise”

Lawsuit

From my email inbox: A recent article in the Kentucky Post reported that a woman, one Anne Maynard, has sued St Luke’s hospital, saying that after her husband had surgery there, he  lost all interest in sex. A hospital spokesman replied … “Mr. Maynard was admitted  in Ophthalmology – all we did was correct hisContinue reading “Lawsuit”

Fairy Tale

From my email inbox: A MALE FAIRY TALE: Once upon a time, a Prince asked a beautiful Princess, “Will you marry me?” The Princess said, “No!!!” And the Prince lived happily ever after and rode motorcycles and dated skinny long-legged full-breasted women and hunted and fished and raced cars and went to naked bars andContinue reading “Fairy Tale”

Hot Air Balloon

From my email inbox: So you think you’re having a bad day… then you step outside of your house…  and look up into the beautiful blue sky…  …and see this!!!!! All of a sudden, that smile comes back to your face and you say to yourself ”Now that’s a big ass balloon!!!” …and things don’t seemContinue reading “Hot Air Balloon”

The Polish Divorce

From my email inbox:   THE POLISH DIVORCE A  Polish man moved to the USA and married an American girl.  Although his English was far from perfect, they got along very well.  One day he rushed into a lawyer’s office and asked him if he could arrange a divorce for him. The lawyer said thatContinue reading “The Polish Divorce”

Forgot My Glasses

FORGOT MY GLASSES Yesterday my daughter again asked why I didn’t do something useful with my time.   Talking about my “doing something useful” seemed to be her favorite topic of conversation. She was “only thinking of me” and suggested I go down to the senior center and hang out with the guys. I didContinue reading “Forgot My Glasses”

A doctor on his morning walk…

A doctor on his morning walk, noticed the old lady pictured above:, She was sitting on her front step smoking a cigar, so he walked up to her and said, “I couldn’t help but notice how happy you look! What is your secret?” “I smoke ten cigars a day,” she said. “Before I go toContinue reading “A doctor on his morning walk…”

Perfect Example Of Why Men…

Perfect example of why men can’t understand women. I was at the bar the other night and heard three girls, with a significant overabundance of flesh, talking at the bar. Their accent appeared to be Scottish, so I approached and asked, “Hello, are you three lassies from Scotland?” One of them screeched, “It’s WALES, youContinue reading “Perfect Example Of Why Men…”