so…we agree to disagree
but what were we agreeing
to disagree about when we are
disagreeing on what we were
supposed to be agreeing to
disagreeing about
so are we going to agree to
disagree or are we going to
keep on agreeing to disagree
on lord knows what the hell
we are agreeing to disagree
about …
agreed
Tag: Humor
okay
so i’m an
unofficial
member of
the…
there’s a
method to
my madness
club
Traveling
“Traveling is like flirting with life. It’s like saying, ‘I would stay and love you, but I have to go; this is my station.”
~ Lisa St. Aubin de Terán
The Sun
“The sun, with all those planets revolving around it and dependent on it, can still ripen a bunch of grapes as if it had nothing else in the universe to do.”
~ Galileo Galilei
“If you saw a heat wave, would you wave back?” ~Steven Wright
“I make the most of all that comes and the least of all that goes.” ~ Sara Teasdale
“Politicians and diapers must be changed often, and for the same reason.” ~ Mark Twain
A Mystery
Watching
a mysterious
mystery
which in
turn is
a total
mystery
to figure
out
as its
a complete
and ultimate
mystery
to seek
answers
to the
mystery
of all
mysteries
“If any of you cry at my funeral I’ll never speak to you again.” ~ Stan Laurel
If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn’t it that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted? ~ George Carlin
Oxford Comma
An Oxford comma walks into a bar. Orders a gin, and tonic.
~@NeinQuarterly (Nein. Eric Jarosinski, editor), 2013 July 30th tweet
Pets – Anne Tyler
Steven Wright Quote
If you think nobody cares about you, try missing a couple of payments. ~Steven Wright
Nonsense
One Sentence Fiction
She’s basking in the fake sun, reading fake news, and working on her fake tan.
Eagles
Bumper Sticker
“Here’s a bumper sticker I’d like to see: “We are the proud parents of a child who’s self-esteem is sufficient that he doesn’t need us promoting his minor scholastic achievements on the back of our car.”
~ George Carlin
Bananas
Serious Novels
George Carlin Quote
It Is Inhumane…
Bob Newhart
Born: September 5, 1929
George Carlin’s Use Of The Word “Fat”
Thinking
Federico Felini “Life”
Short Story
She had the odd look on her face, like she has two heads and four tits, and never said a word.
George Carlin – American Dream
Source: George Carlin – American Dream
Memory
Six Word Story
For breakfast, she eats cat food.
Short Story
The special of the day at a local
restaurant is Skunk Soup with
French Bread.
Sadly, there were no takers.
Spiders
First Day
At 12:30 a.m.
on March 20
Spring will
be sprung
Boing
Boing
Boing
Quote By Steven Wright
“I couldn’t repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.”
Source: Quote By Steven Wright
John Cleese Quote
Following Directions
Read the directions on
the shampoo bottle:
It says to apply,
wash and rinse.
Repeat
So I did
Apply, wash and
rinse
Repeat
And I did
and again
and again
and again
Soon I ran
out of hot
water, which
soon became
cold and still
with shampoo
on my head.
——————-
Just a bit of humor
Quote From Kurt Vonnegut’s Book, God Bless You, Mr. Rosewater
Quote source: http://wordables.com
Children Can Be Sharp
Image Credit: http://themetapicture.com
Steven Wright Quote
I like George Carlin’s jokes. I like his humor. He’s one of my heroes, and I like what he did with talking about everyday things.
– Steven Wright
Chicago
Steven Wright Quote
It doesn’t make a difference what temperature a room is, it’s always room temperature.
– Steven Wright
Books – George Carlin Quote
Yoga
Steven Wright
If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it
– Steven Wright
Idiot
Steven Wright
“I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time.”
– Steven Wright
Humor Quote
A A Milne
“Organizing is what you do before you do something, so that when you do it, it’s not all mixed up.”
– Alan A. Milne
Steven Wright Humor Quote
“If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?”
– Steven Wright
Humor Quote – John Lennon
Rest In Peace Yogi Berra
Monday Humor Quote
Humor Quote
“Old Professors never die, they just lose their faculties.”
– Stephen Fry
Humor Quote
Door
Someone knocked
on the door.
I said that
nobody is here.
The person
went on his
merry way.
Humor is a
good thing!
Nothing
Went to
the store.
Bought nothing.
Tuesday Humor
Monday
Friday Evening Humor
Friday Morning Humor Quote
Steven Wright Quote.
“If at first you don’t succeed then skydiving definitely isn’t for you.”
– Steven Wright
Friday Afternoon Quote
Wednesday Morning Quote
Thursday Humor Quote
Saturday Humor
He Said/She Said Thursday Morning Edition
He: Good morning dear.
She: What’s so good about it.
He: Silently thinking that the shit is
about to hit the fan, Now what did I do,
or didn’t do?
She: I couldn’t sleep because of your damn
snoring!
He: I don’t snore.
She: What do you mean you don’t snore. You
sound like a bull on steroids. You really do.
He: How could I be snoring, now that I am
talking to you.
She: Of course your not snoring now, its when
your sound asleep.
He: I really don’t snore.
She: You know, you can be an absolute asshole.
He: Wow!
She: Tonight, you can sleep on the couch, and leave
the television off, so I won’t have to listen to it
and your damn snoring!
Wednesday Evening Humor
Tuesday Evening Humor
Day Starts Backwards
Dogs
Key To Happiness
Life’s Journey …….
This Has Happened To Me A Few Times, And It Sucks
I Hate It When A Customer Service Does This
Good Answer
Prescription Coffee
Yawn
Sunset
Charles M. Schulz Quote
Yogi Berra Quote
Vision Test
Humor Quote
Humor Quote
Robin Williams Quote
“You could talk about same-sex marriage, but people who have been married (say) ‘It’s the same sex all the time.”
– Robin Williams
Steven Wright Quote
“If a person with multiple personalities threatens suicide, is that considered a hostage situation?”
– Steven Wright
Mitch Hedberg Quote
“You know that Pepperidge Farm bread, that stuff is fancy. That stuff is wrapped twice. You open it, and then still ain’t open. That’s why I don’t buy it, I don’t need another step between me and toast.”
– Mitch Hedberg
Steven Wright Quote
“When everything is coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane.”
– Steven Wright
Humor Quote By Groucho Marx
Springtime In New England
The Left-Handed Whopper
The Left-Handed Whopper
In 1998 Burger King published a full page advertisement in USA Today announcing the introduction of a new item to their menu: a “Left-Handed Whopper” specially designed for the 32 million left-handed Americans. According to the advertisement, the new whopper included the same ingredients as the original Whopper (lettuce, tomato, hamburger patty, etc.), but all the condiments were rotated 180 degrees for the benefit of their left-handed customers. The following day Burger King issued a follow-up release revealing that although the Left-Handed Whopper was a hoax, thousands of customers had gone into restaurants to request the new sandwich. Simultaneously, according to the press release, “many others requested their own ‘right handed’ version.”
————————————————————
Another hoax found in my email.
Quote~ Marilyn Monroe
“Ever notice how ‘What the hell’ is always the right answer?”
– Marilyn Monroe
Steven Wright Quote
“I was reading the dictionary. I thought it was a poem about everything.”
– Steven Wright
http://www.bquot.es/s/1815
Humor Quote – Yogi Berra
Humor Quote – Mark Twain
Quote
Police Work At Its Best
From the email inbox:
*********************
Two policemen call the station on the radio:
“Hello. Is that the Sarge?”
“Yes.”
“We have a case here. A woman has shot her husband for stepping on the floor
she has just mopped clean.”
“Have you arrested the woman?”
“No sir. The floor is still wet.”
Over The Hill
Humor Quote By Stan Laurel
“If you had a face like mine, you’d punch me right on the nose, and I’m just the fella to do it.”
– Stan Laurel
Steven Wright Quote
“The best kind of friend is the kind you sit with, never say a word and walk away feeling like it was the best conversation you ever had.”
– Steven Wright
George Carlin Quote
The Italian Lover
From the email inbox:
*********************
The Italian Lover, a virile middle aged Italian gentlemen named Guido, was relaxing at his favorite bar in Rome when he managed to attract a spectacular young blond woman.
Things progressed to the point where he led her back to his apartment and, after some small talk, they retired to his bedroom where he rattled her senseless.
After a pleasant interlude, he asked with a smile, “So, you finish?”
She paused for a second, frowned, and replied, “No.”
Surprised, Guido reached for her and the rattling resumed. This time she thrashed about wildly and there were screams of passion. The sex finally ended and, again, Guido smiled and asked, “You finish?
Again, after a short pause, she returned his smile, cuddled closer to him and softly said, “No.
Stunned, but damned if he was going to leave this woman unsatisfied, Guido reached for the woman yet again.
Using the last of his strength, he barely managed it, but they ended together screaming, bucking, clawing and ripping the bed sheets.
Exhausted, Guido fell onto his back gasping. Barely able to turn his head, he looked into her eyes, smiled proudly and asked again, “You finish?
Barely able to speak, the beautiful blond whispered in his ear, “No, I Norwegian.”
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