Month: May 2013

Cletus

~ A Pondering Mind ~ 11 Comments

Cletus is passing by Billy Bob’s hay barn one day when, through a gap in the door,

he sees Billy Bob doing a slow and sensual striptease in front of an old John Deere.

Buttocks clenched, he performs a slow pirouette, and gently slides off first the

right strap of his overalls, followed by the left. He then hunches his shoulders

forward and in a classic striptease move, lets his overalls fall down to his hips,

revealing a torn and frayed plaid shirt. Then, grabbing both sides of his shirt,

he rips it apart to reveal his stained T-shirt underneath. With a final flourish,

he tears the T-shirt from his body, and hurls his baseball cap onto a pile of hay.

Having seen enough, Cletus rushes in and says, “What the world are you doing,

Billy Bob?”

“Good grief, Cletus, you scared the bejeebers out of me,” says an obviously

embarrassed Billy Bob. “But me ‘n the wife been having trouble lately in the

bedroom department, so the therapist suggested I do something sexy to a tractor.”

Human Mysteries

~ A Pondering Mind ~ 23 Comments

Some of these  I already knew; about the lungs, the number of bones in the feet, and about saliva.

Human Mysteries Part 1
The Human Body is a treasure trove of mysteries, one that still confounds
doctors and scientists about the details of its working. It’s not an
overstatement to say that every part of your body is a miracle. Here are
facts about your body, some of which may leave you stunne d.
1. It’s possible for your body to survive without a surprisingly large fraction
of its internal organs. Even if you lose your stomach, your spleen, 75% of
your liver, 80% of your intestines, one kidney, one lung, and virtually every
organ from your pelvic and groin area, you wouldn’t be very healthy, but you
would live.
2. During your lifetime, you will produce enough saliva to fill two swimming
pools. Actually, Saliva is more important than you realize. If your saliva
cannot dissolve something, you cannot taste it.
3. The largest cell in the human body is the female egg and the smallest is
the male sperm. The egg is actually the only cell in the body that is visible
by the naked eye.
4. The strongest muscle in the human body is the tongue and the hardest
bone is the jawbone.
5. Human feet have 52 bones, accounting for one quarter of all the human
body’s bones.
6. Feet have 500,000 sweat glands and can produce more than a pint of
sweat a day.
7. The acid in your stomach is strong enough to dissolve razor blades. The
reason it doesn’t eat away at your stomach is that the cells of your stomach
wall renew themselves so frequently that you get a new stomach lining every
three to four days.
8. The human lungs contain approximately 2,400 kilometers (1,500 mi) of
airways and 300 to 500 million hollow cavities, having a total surface area
of about 70 square meters, roughly the same area as one side of a tennis
court. Furthermore, if all of the capillaries that surround the lung cavities
were unwound and laid end to end, they would extend for about 992
kilometers. Also, your left lung is smaller than your right lung to make room
for your heart.
9. Sneezes regularly exceed 100 mph, while coughs clock in at about 60 mph.
10. Your body gives off enough heat in 30 minutes to bring half a gallon of
water to a boil.
11. Your body has enough iron in it to make a nail 3 inches long.
12. Earwax production is necessary for good ear health. It protects the
delicate inner ear from bacteria, fungus, dirt and even insects. It also cleans
and lubricates the ear canal.

Forgot My Glasses

~ A Pondering Mind ~ 19 Comments

FORGOT MY GLASSES

Yesterday my daughter again asked why I didn’t do something useful with my time.

 

Talking about my “doing something useful” seemed to be her favorite topic of conversation.

She was “only thinking of me” and suggested I go down to the senior center and hang out with the guys.

I did this and when I got home last night I decided to teach her a lesson about staying out of my business.

I told her that I had joined a parachute club.

She said, “Are you nuts? You ‘re almost 79 years old and you’re going to start jumping out of airplanes?”

I proudly showed her that I even got a membership card.

She said to me, “Good grief, where are your glasses! This is a membership to a Prostitute Club,

not a Parachute Club.”

“I’m in trouble again, and I don’t know what to do… I signed up for five times a week,” I told her.  She fainted.

Life as a senior citizen is not getting any easier

but sometimes it can be fun.

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