Daily Archives: April 6, 2013

Mind is like the wood or stone from which… – Bodhidharma

Mind is like the wood or stone from which a person carves an image. If he carves a dragon or a tiger, and seeing it fears it, he is like a stupid person creating a picture of hell and then afraid to face it. If he does not fear it, then his unnecessary thoughts will vanish. Part of the mind produces sight, sound, taste, odor and sensibility, and from them raises greed, anger and ignorance with all their accompanying likes and dislikes.

-Bodhidharma

You Know It Will Be Bad Day

You know it will be a bad day when….
….the gypsy fortune teller offers to refund your money.
….your kids start treating you the same way you treated your parents.
….you have to borrow from your VISA to pay off your MASTERCARD.
….you realize that you just sprayed spot remover under your arms
instead of deodorant.
….your car payment, house payment, and girlfriend are three months
overdue.
….your horn sticks on the freeway behind 32 Hell’s Angels.
….the worst player on the golf course wants to play you for money.
….your birthday cake collapses from the weight of the candles.
….you turn on the evening news and they are showing emergency routes
out of the city.
….your twin sister forgets your birthday.
….your 4-year-old tells you that it’s almost impossible to flush a
grapefruit down the toilet.
….you discover that your 12-year-old’s idea of humor is putting crazy
glue in your Preparation H.
….you have to sit down to brush your teeth in the morning.
….you start to pick up the clothes you wore home from the party last
night……. and there aren’t any.
….it costs more to fill up your car than it did to buy it.
….you wake up to the soothing sound of running water…. and remember
that you just bought a waterbed.
….you call suicide prevention and they put you on hold.
….everyone avoids you the morning after the company office party.
….the bird singing outside your window is a vulture.
….you wake up and your braces are stuck together.
….you call your answering service and they tell you it’s none of your
business.
….your blind date turns out to be your ex-wife/ex-husband.
….your income tax refund check bounces.

With Age Comes Wisdom

Four guys were all at a deer camp. They had two cabins, two men per cabin. After the first night, no one wanted to room with Bob because he snored so badly. They decided it wasn’t fair to make one of them stay with him the whole time, so they voted to take turns.  The next night, Joe slept with Bob and came dragging to breakfast the next morning with his hair a mess and his eyes all bloodshot.
They said,”Man, what happened to you?”
He said, “Bob snored so loudly, I just sat up and watched him all night.”
The next night it was Mike’s turn. In the morning, same thing, hair all standing up, eyes all bloodshot.
They said, “Man, what happened to you? You look awful!”
He said, “That Bob shakes the roof with his snoring. I watched him all night.”
Then it was Fred’s turn. Fred was a tanned older cowboy, a man’s man.  The next morning he came to breakfast bright-eyed and bushy-tailed.
“Good morning!” he said.
They couldn’t believe it.  They said, “Man, what happened? How did you survive the snoring?”
He said, “Well, we got ready for bed. I patted Bob on the butt, tucked him into bed, and kissed him good night. Bob sat up and watched me all night.”
With age comes wisdom.