Humor
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The Italian Lover
From the email inbox: ********************* The Italian Lover, a virile middle aged Italian gentlemen named Guido, was relaxing at his favorite bar in Rome when he managed to attract a spectacular young blond woman. Things progressed to the point where he led her back to his apartment and, after some small talk, they retired to Continue reading
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Alfred Hitchcock Quote
“I have a perfect cure for a sore throat: cut it.” – Alfred Hitchcock http://www.bquot.es/s/826 Continue reading
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Stephen Fry Quote
“Moving from chair to chair, from coffee machine to coffee machine is the limit of my action in most films. But I enjoy being cast in them because I love watching them.” – Stephen Fry http://www.bquot.es/s/2152 Continue reading
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Debate
Found this in the email. ************************ I gaze at the brilliant full moon. The same one, I think to myself, at which Socrates, Aristotle, and Plato gazed. Suddenly, I imagine they appear beside me. I tell Socrates about the national debate over one’s right to die and wonder at the constancy of the human condition. Continue reading
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George Carlin Quote
“At a formal dinner party, the person nearest death should always be seated closest to the bathroom.” George Carlin Continue reading
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Time
http://www.brainyquote.com Continue reading
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Jim Morrison Quote
“I think of myself as an intelligent, sensitive human being with the soul of a clown which always forces me to blow it at the most important moments” – Jim Morrison Continue reading
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Irish Blond
Irish blond An attractive blond from Cork , Ireland , arrived at the casino. She seemed a little intoxicated and bet twenty thousand dollars in a single roll of the dice. She said, “I hope you don’t mind, but I feel much luckier when I’m completely nude.” with that, she stripped from the neck down, Continue reading
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An Escalator Can Never ……
February 24, 1968 – March 30, 2005 Continue reading
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Student Who Obtained A Zero On An Exam
From the email inbox: STUDENT WHO OBTAINED 0% ON AN EXAM Q 1.. In which battle did Napoleon die? * his last battle Q 2.. Where was the Declaration of Independence signed? * at the bottom of the page Q 3.. River Ravi flows in which state? * liquid Q 4.. What is the main Continue reading
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Music & Art
“I can’t listen to that much Wagner. I start getting the urge to conquer Poland.” – Woody Allen Continue reading
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Humor Quote
“I got a king-sized bed. I don’t know any kings, but if one came over, I guess he’d be comfortable.” – Mitch Hedberg, http://www.bquot.es/s/1772 Continue reading
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Humor Quote
“Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7 of your life.” Steven Wright http://www.bquot.es/s/1822 Continue reading
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Humor Quote
“Some humans would do anything to see if it was possible to do it. If you put a large switch in some cave somewhere, with a sign on it saying ‘End-of-the-World Switch. PLEASE DO NOT TOUCH’, the paint wouldn’t even have time to dry.” –Terry Pratchett Continue reading
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Humor Quote
I drink to make other people more interesting. Ernest Hemingway Continue reading
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Be Modest ~ Humor Quote
“Be modest! It is the kind of pride least likely to offend.” – Jules Renard Continue reading
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Random Thoughts On Aging
Found in the email. · Wouldn’t it be great if we could put ourselves in the dryer for ten minutes; come out wrinkle-free and three sizes smaller! · Last year I joined a support group for procrastinators. We haven’t met yet! · The day the world runs out of wine & beer is just too Continue reading
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Paper Napkin Sketch
Instead of STOP, GO signs should be installed. This work A Pondering Mind is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-ShareAlike 4.0 International License. Continue reading
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Humor Quote
If it’s zero degrees outside today and it’s supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be? Steven Wright Source: Quotes Wave Continue reading
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Here is, Old Age at its Best
Here is, old age at its best. Larry and Bob, two friends, met in the park every day to feed the pigeons, watch the squirrels and discuss world problems. One day Larry didn’t show up. Bob didn’t think much about it and figured maybe he had a cold or something.. But after Larry Continue reading
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Just A Typical Guy
A husband went to police station to report his missing wife: Husband : I’ve lost my wife, she went shopping yesterday and has still not come home. Sergeant : What is her height ? Husband : Oh, 5 something . . . Sergeant : Build? Husband : Not slim, not really fat. Sergeant : Color of eyes? Continue reading
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Humor Quote
Brainy Quote Continue reading
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Senior Trying to Set a Password
From the email archive: Senior trying to set a password . WINDOWS : Please enter your new password: USER : “cabbage” WINDOWS : Sorry, the password must be more than 8 characters. USER: “boiled cabbage” WINDOWS : Sorry, the password must contain 1 numerical character. USER: “1 boiled cabbage” WINDOWS: Sorry, the password cannot have blank spaces. USER : “50bloodyboiledcabbages” WINDOWS : Sorry, Continue reading
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Shortest/Longest Sentences
From the email archive. Continue reading
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Intellectual
“An intellectual is a person who has discovered something more interesting than sex.” – Aldous Huxley http://www.bq4android.com/android/quotes/getQuote.php?id=3155 Continue reading
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All-Terrain 4 Wheeler
—————————– Above is from the email inbox. Continue reading
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Humor Quote
For my birthday I got a humidifier and a dehumidifier… I put them in the same room and let them fight it out. Steven Wright. Continue reading
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A Joke
If you tell a joke in the forest, but nobody laughs, was it a joke? Steven Wright Continue reading
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Keeping A Sharp Mind In Retirement
Found in my email: As we slowly move through retirement, we need to keep ourselves occupied with small projects………Like this guy. I know, I saw it right away too…. No safety glasses or hearing protection. And I caught something else that is really important: he has no gloves on. I might be up in age Continue reading
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Laces
From the email inbox. Continue reading
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Last Will
Doug Smith is on his deathbed and knows the end is near. His nurse, his wife, his daughter and 2 sons, are with him. He asks for 2 witnesses to be present and a camcorder be in place to record his last wishes, and when all is ready he begins to speak: My son, “Bernie, Continue reading
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A Witty Answer
A short chit chat with a female resident of the building we live in. Me: Your fully retired, right? She: Yes. And you? Me: Yes. She: What did you do? Me: Worked! I thought that was a good answer. I mean, you work, and then when you hit age 62 or whatever, then you retire. Continue reading
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Growing Older
I hope this poem has the same effect on you as it did for me – then my forwarding it will be worth the effort. Walk with me by the water – worth the read… Shit… I forgot the words. —————————————————————- The above was found in the email inbox. Continue reading
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Words That Should Be Words
Words that Really Ought to Exist Abracadabbler: an amateur magician. Carbage: the trash found in your automobile. Faddict: someone who has to try every new trend that comes along. Hackchoo: when you sneeze and cough at the same time. Iceburg: an uppity, snobbish neighborhood. Jobsolete: a position within a company that no longer exists. Mandals: Continue reading
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Found It
Another from the email inbox. Somehow, you just always knew it was there somewhere. Continue reading
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She Forgot The Lipstick
Found in the email inbox. Don’t you just hate it?…….you get all dressed up; you’re looking hot; smokin’ hot! As you strut your stuff down the street, you can almost feel all the eyes upon you. Then, you happen to catch a quick glimpse of yourself in a mirror, and you suddenly REALIZE…you forgot the lipstick…the whole look you Continue reading
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Burnt Toast
Burn your toast, anyone? You do have options. Eat it. Toss it in the trash. Scrape it, then eat it. Give it to the birds. Or save it, and use it in place of sandpaper, or an emergency coaster for the coffee and/or end table. aponderingmind.org Continue reading
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Over 40
From the email inbox: Continue reading
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Fun
There is no such thing as fun for the whole family. Jerry Seinfeld Continue reading
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Okay
Okay, so I’m outside getting some air. It is late, like 11:55 night late. A neighbor of comes out, and says, “Nice Night.” Me: “Yes it is, and a delightful one.” He: “Nice and warm.” Me: “Yup.” He: “The moon looks nice too.” Me: “In all its glory.” He: When he decided to go back Continue reading
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Quote
Be thankful we’re not getting all the government we’re paying for. Will Rogers Brainy Quote Continue reading
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He Didn’t See This Coming
Yesterday morning, Mortimer J. Finkdink III, was taking his morning stroll. He always stops in the local coffee shop, for his daily cup. He always gets a large, as he likes to last throughout his walk. After he left the shop, he ambled on along on one of his favorite streets. A few minutes later, Continue reading
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Cats
Source Continue reading
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Quote
I invented the cordless extension cord. Steven Wright Brainy Quote Continue reading
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Mature Humans
Found in the email inbox: Mature Humans How many times is it appropriate to say “What?” before you just nod and smile because you still didn’t hear or understand a word they said? I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars team up to prevent a jerk from cutting in at Continue reading
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The Good Word
Another conversation between he and she. She: Good morning. He: Good morning, or is it a good morning. She: I see your not in a good mood. He: Me? She: Yes, you. He: Do you really want to know why I’m not in a good mood? She: Please tell. He: Well … I slept like Continue reading
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A Thought From Aunty Acid
From the email inbox: Continue reading
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I Feel Like New
I feel like a new old man today. Got my hairs styled/cut. Not just one hair, but a whole lot of hairs was snipped/cut off. Still no bald spots, so that’s a good sign. Now, if I was a barber/stylist, and someone came in and a haircut, I would would ask the person, which one Continue reading
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Uncle Seamus
From the email inbox: Mick and Paddy have made a promise to their uncle. They had an Uncle Seamus who was a seafaring gent all his life and a while before he passed away, he made the boys promise to bury him at sea. Of course he did pass away and the boys remembered to Continue reading
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Humor Quote
Our culture runs on coffee and gasoline, the first often tasting like the second. — Edward Abbey Brainy Quote Continue reading
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New Best Seller: How To Understand Women
Note: When I took a break from blogging, the very next day, I came down with a nasty head cold. And it happened on the first day of spring. So my thinking is still bit foggy. With that said, here is a bit of humor from the email inbox. Thought you should know that the Continue reading
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Meaning of the Resurrection
From the email inbox: Got to love this kid… MEANING OF THE RESURRECTION A Baptist pastor was presenting a children’s sermon. During the sermon, he asked the children if they knew what the resurrection was. Now, asking questions during children’s sermons is crucial, but at the same time, asking children questions in front of Continue reading
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Mother Nature
It seems that mother nature has a problem. The problem is, she must have a very itchy scalp. With all the dandruff falling from the sky above, it looks like she needs a good shampooing, with a good rinsing. Then a apply some conditioning, then rinse and repeat. Now, all this dandruff is landing on Continue reading
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Sidewalk Ad Sign
From the email in box: Continue reading
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Heat Wave
If you saw a heat wave, would you wave back? — Steven Wright Brainy Quote Continue reading
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Misspelled Words
The sign in the window has two misspelled words. Can you spot them?Unknown origin of photo. Continue reading
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Remodeled Bathroom
Our bathroom has been remodeled, and quite frankly, it is quaint. Photographer unknown Continue reading
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Bad Pilots
From the email inbox: The Air Canada plane leaves Pearson Airport under the control of a Jewish captain; his co-pilot is Chinese. It’s the first time they’ve flown together and an awkward silence between the two seems to indicate a mutual dislike. Once they reach cruising altitude, the Jewish captain activates the auto-pilot, leans back Continue reading
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Paradise
From the email inbox: When everybody on earth was dead and waiting to enter Paradise, God appeared and said, “I want the men to make two lines. One line for the men who were true heads of their household, and the other line for the men who were dominated by their women. I want all Continue reading
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